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For most of my life I felt I was ugly. Inside and out. You'll only know what that feels like if you have felt it yourself. If you have, you'll know how those feelings sit inside you, hanging on you, dusting you, spoiling every aspect of your life. For some it shows up as insecurity. For others it looks like arrogance.
My business couldn't get off the ground.
I kept making the same mistakes. I had really begun to wonder if the belief that we can create and shape our futures was for other people - NOT me. I was doing all the right things, working really hard, but the results were the same. I nearly quit at one stage. I did. I thought I didn't have the energy to 'fight' life one more day.
Have you ever felt that?
Some days it was pure exhaustion. Other days depression clouded over me with a wet, gloomy kiss. Mostly, in the early days of starting my business I felt unwanted. Why was it so hard? All I wanted to do was give people this beautiful stuff I have that had certainly changed my personal life... and 'noone' was interested.
Maybe they weren't ready. Maybe I wasn't ready. All I know is it felt personal. Like something was very wrong with me.
A well meaning mentor once told me I would fail. He didn't believe I had what it took to build a business. I should stick with the job I had. With him.
After meeting 50 people and all I had were a series of NO NO and NO, I started to believe him. Lucky for me I had a few people who kept giving me feedback that what I did really, really worked. I thank them for getting me through.
SO I started attending networking events, visiting new social places and making new friends.
I felt like a fraud. Most of the time, my hands were sweating and my throat choked up. Whenever it was my turn to say what I do - it came out all wrong. I was embarrassed. Embarrassed of me.
But I just kept going. I got myself a coach - or three. (Believe me I was busy - internally that is.) I looked at every thing I believed about myself, about business, about life, about sales and so on. It was one MASSIVE ugly poo bucket.
Coaching Tips Emphasis* So I threw out the poo. Cleared the toilet in my mind as often as I could and made a decision.
I CAN BE WHAT I WILL BE (borrowed from The Master Key System)
Coaching Tips Emphasis* The number one thing that I needed to heal/learn was - not the ability to be more disciplined, not more business skills, nor hiring the right people, or how to build relationships or anything else that I thought. What I really needed to heal - was what I believed in and FELT about me.
That's when things started to shift. People started to call me out the blue. I started to attract companies like Unilever, Old Mutual, Nedbank and numerous small and medium sized businesses. I no longer felt like the unwanted ugly duckling.
Many of my small business clients feel the same way when we first start. They struggle to take the next step for fear of exposure, or lack of self belief. Feeling like a fraud was not something only I experienced. As I started to work with businesses that were bigger, and with executive directors in corporates guess what many told me.
"I feel like a fraud. I don't have the confidence to do what I think the next best step is. People don't take me seriously enough."
I learned that the same people that put out loads of confidence and who are highly successful in the external world are often just as afraid as me.
Coaching Tips Emphasis* Confidence is not about the outside stuff. Neither is success. And we don't need money, branding, titles, looks, fancy cars or a relationship before we can feel good inside.
SO I want to share a what one of my clients, Sean, said recently
"After a number of years in the online branding industry I had become rather jaded and lacked belief in my own abilities. I found the work I did was not satisfying and like I was just going through the motions and would never reach true fulfillment and happiness in business and life. I started with Kalavati in 2007 and uncovered the entrepreneur in me. Coaching is like a breath of fresh air and I leave every session feeling exhilarated and confident. Jo has helped me abolish the word impossible from my vocabulary. Thanks coach!" (Sean McMahon, Electric Pencil Interactive (Pty) Ltd. Check out his newsletter for ONLINE BRANDING http://www.electricpencil.co.za)
Coaching Tips*It really comes down to how we feel about ourselves on the inside. I learned this really does have to come first.
These are the lessons I'm learning
By Jo Hazelhurst, Aug 2009
Copyright 2009.
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