Motorbikes, Penguins and Happiness

My friend says he is happy. I forgot to ask, what happiness means to him. He is engaged to a woman he loves and adores. And she loves and adores him right back. He has a dream job that he works very hard in, and rewards him well. He has talent, wealth and good looks. He rides motorbikes and plays golf. He’s not short on friends, family or charm.

Absolutely” I said back to my friend, “I’m most definitely happy.” Later, there was a niggle in the deep crevices of my stomach. “Am I really?”

Some days I am gloriously in love with life. But more often than not, I wrestle with myself, and what it means to be me. I think I am jealous. Or perhaps it is longing I feel. I think everyone has a touch of longing in them.

But just what I am I longing for?

Would I be any happier if I had a motorbike? Would I have less conflict if I made a million, or was with the love of my life?

Would these things bring peace to the battle in my heart?

Last week, I sat on the beach with a flock of penguins waddling on the rocks. Playfully, they splashed and bathed in the deep, blue ocean waters. Penguins are said to search for that one mate. They share a life together.

There was an older pair, tenderly giving affectionate kisses and back rubs. Every now and again, much to the delight of passers by, they would attempt at penguin lovemaking. Affectionate, awkward, and undeterred by our stares.

The young ones dived and dipped into the ocean. Life a grand affair

A young child dashed with great abandon towards them. She glanced at her mother and laughed. She tossed her head back, and flung sand towards the sky. The world was her oyster, and pigs most definitely had wings.

Both child and penguins made magic together. They put on a show, as if God had arranged it especially for me. Uninhibited, wild and free. They bubbled.

It touched me deeply. I think there is a part in all of us that longs for this kind of freedom. Without the need for a glass of wine or a Swazi pipe. Without the need to ‘look good, or be right.’ Without the need for a husband or wife. Yes, I think this is what being happy means for me. I think this is the nature of my thirst

At a recent workshop, my partner and I facilitated a ‘First Impressions Exercise’. More than one person said they saw me as ‘carefree.’ I was taken aback. Its interesting the impressions we give others. That means it must be there, this freedom of mine - buried somewhere.

Readers Participation

The happiest we ever are is when we're right here, right now, following our heart, and just being us. It has been said many times and sought many more.

Extreme Sports are so called because they take us to that point where we must focus on the moment, the penalty for doing otherwise being a forfeit of our life. I will never forget the ecstasy of my first climb. I later likened it to the way we should live life, focusing only on what needed to be done: which foothold, handhold? forgetting the ones before, not yet contemplating the ones to come. Keeping present, in other words.

When we aren't concerned about the stares or attentions of others. When we bend, grab a hand of sand and flick it in the air because...well, for no reason. We aren't thinking. We are feeling. This is when we may touch what we wish to call joy. This is when life is the ease it was designed to be.

Some of us are free-er than others. Free from excessive thoughts. And, while we may not feel as carefree as we'd like, we are certainly more so than our observers, the ones still so chained they've not yet realized what imprisons them.

Freedom. We are as free as we allow ourselves. True, running naked through Woolies would possibly land us in hot water. But that's only because our action'd push the buttons of those not so free a little more than they could handle at this time, in this place. Still, our minds and hearts are the same as the human child, the adult penguin. Our happiness lies in the surrender, giving up the need to have, to be or do anything specific. And, instead, letting our hearts lead us.

April 27, 2009 2:00 PM

Jo Hazelhurst at 2:52pm April 27Thanks Jai for your beautiful words of wisdom. Here is my question to you - how often do you live here - in this freedom? I once walked naked for 10km in the Drakensberg. Does that count? Seriously, or not so seriously... I remember being THAT carefree yet not. Because even amongst the moments of abandonment, there are few times when I think I truly forget myself. And forget about the outcome or anyone else for that matter. But yes, to be free of what others think... to surrender beyond what is merely intellect. Free of our own thinking.

April 27, 2009 3:09 PM Anonymous said...

Okay in my next life i want to be a penguin ;)

Jai Kaelm at 3:07pm April 27

Not often enough :-P

But I am getting better.

Right now, it depends on the emotions of the day and how much I get caught up in them. Sometimes I catch myself and make the conscious decision to be in this "freedom" mode. I'm working to the day that such will be my setpoint.

Zanele Nkosi at 6:55pm April 28

Hey sistah girl! I feel you on the questions. Some days the core energy radiates joy, some days the anger sits in my throat and I wonder if I am confusing it with bile! A lot of the time these days, I am still, some restless, but mostly quiet, peace. My question.... where are the joyous highs and crippling lows? Is this peace my happiness? It ... Read Morecertainly doesn't feel uncomfortable, but I am not giddy smilingly silly giggly not a care in the world..... nor am I immobilised by the challenges. So I too am left wondering about that longing... and wondering if I should be wondering or spending more time just being with what is....

So, I don't really have a direct response for you....just sharing my me....with love.....z

Shane Gobuamang at 9:04pm April 28

Its always a pleasure to read your articles. They are very uplifting and makes one think of life in a different prospective. The things you mentioned there such as Motorbikes, Money (dream job) and a loving good looking wife: these are things that we all think of when we think of happiness. But still they tend to stress us some days. Your motorbike... Read More breaks down, your wife gets sick or you have an argument. Small little things that makes life a bit difficult.

Jo Hazelhurst at 9:08pm April 28Thanks Jai, Zel and Shane - such excellent points you make.. that every so called good thing comes with challenges and stresses, so its about how we handle life and being in peace no matter what is going on...and peace and freedom go together - love it

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